God’s Plan is Bigger Than Me

Everything that happens in this world happens at the time God chooses.” Ecclesiastes 3:1

What a week.

What a month.

What a year. 

Last year my husband was discharged from the military. Although it was honorable and out of his control it threw our life for its first big loop. We were 20 years old and it took every penny we had to get halfway across the country to make it back home to Weatherford, Texas from Savannah, Georgia. After we moved down I got a job as a preschool teacher, and he got a job at a car dealership. We moved into a small two bed, two bath in town and started after the path of normality.

Things were okay.

Until they weren’t.

At first I was just a little nauseous. Then, a lot nauseous. Things started swelling, body parts quit working. I was calling in sick 14 times in a month because I could’t walk across the floor without my husband’s arm around me. I saw many doctors during this time, each just treating the symptoms but never investigating further because I had just reached the 3 month point of Cole being out of the military, so our insurance was gone. Who wants to help someone when they aren’t getting paid, right? Unfortunately, that was the truth for me and many others still today. 8 weeks into a swollen left knee, one doctor said “This isn’t right” so he referred me to a Rheumatologist.

During this time, my job at BCLC had become very strained which is understandable. My health had caused me to come unreliable and the physical pain that I acquired each day with the constant movement on a joint that had been swollen for up to 10 weeks by this point had caused me to become quite emotional and less work driven. During this time, my house flooded with sewage due to a piping issue our landlord had refused to resolve. This, in turn, resulted in us having to move into my in-laws. This was a blessing for the fact that we were able to save money much easier. However, it was stressful, not because of my in laws, (In fact I am one of the lucky few who were blessed with wonderful in laws) but because I felt like I was imposing and my stress level increased. If you know me than you know if my stress is up that means my emotions are ALL OVER THE PLACE.

Well here I was, more emotional than ever standing in my classroom surrounded by 9 children who I swear were fed pop rocks and Mtn. Dew for breakfast that morning when I just had to ask God what to do. I remember praying “God, I never asked you what your plans were for me. It’s beginning to feel like you’re telling me that this isn’t where you want me.” I told him how scared I was because we needed to pay bills and if I quit this job it could ruin us financially. I asked him if this wasn’t where he wanted me to be, that he would open the door for me. And then, I KID YOU NOT when I say that my classroom door immediately opened. I mean a latched door in a building with no access to a breeze, OPENED. You can “coincidence” this all you want but God has always been very blunt with me and I had just asked him to open a door for me. We always assume when we ask for a door to be opened for us, it is a door that leads into somewhere instead of out.

I quit my job two minutes later.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

“When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.” Psalm 94:19

I called my husband directly after, so nervous to tell him.

Me: “I’m about to tell you something, please don’t be upset.”

Cole: “Okay.”

Me: “I quit my job.”

Cole: “Ok, why?”

Me: “Because God told me too.”

Cole: “Oh, Ok.”

Me: “Are you mad?”

Cole: “No, who am I to argue with God?”

Quitting my job was one of the best decisions I have ever made. Two weeks after leaving I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis, an autoimmune disease which you usually don’t get until you are like 60, I was 21 by this point.

All of this happened between January-November of 2016. December 2016, a few days before the new year, I was with my best friend’s Aunt, Susan. She was someone who I had grown real close to since I first met her three years ago. We had just left my best friend’s childhood home because earlier that morning they had lost someone very close to them and we had stopped by to see how we could help or offer comfort. Susan and I were driving home that day when we began talking about good and bad chapters throughtout our life. I said “This has been a darker chapter for everyone, but I feel like the next chapter is about to be brighter.”

And it was.

Between the months of January-June of this year, everything turned around. I met Rachel and Eric Tonips, owners of Comfort Kitchen and all they technically did was give me a small job and lead me to a rental house but little do they know they affected my whole life for the better. Around this time I also met Hannah and Tiger Conniff, founders of Fathom Ink and I4CLife who I get to write this blog for, who were gigantic blessings. These four people turned out to be very important to me and have taught me many, many things in just this short time of knowing them. I believe they are the sole reason God had me leave BCLC. Many doors have opened for me since January,  and many great relationships have been made. My husband found himself a better place of employment, which offered the insurance needed to be able to manage my RA as best as I could (Meaning I can walk up stairs now!! Trust me, you forget how great stuff like that is.) We signed us a year lease on our favorite place we have ever been in and have many new exciting possibilites at bay. We have reached above the “just normality” that we wanted so badly. (Huge shout out to my mom for being biggest support system through it all and helping us reach that point) God has blessed me, blessings upon blessings, all because I handed things over to him.

You probably think I wrote this today to tell you all about how great God is, which ofcourse is my intent everyday, but I wrote this today because earlier I received news that could go one of two ways. And the possibilities terrify me. I wrote this as a reminder to myself, and you if you need it that GOD HAS A PLAN and if we choose to give this situation over to him, he is going to do with it what he will. This is the time to have faith.

It’s like Cole said, “Who am I to argue with God?”

“When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.” Psalm 94:19

“I know the heavy burdens that God has laid on us. 
He has set the right time for everything. He has given us a desire to know the future, but never gives us the satisfaction of fully understanding what he does. 
So I realized that all we can do is be happy and do the best we can while we are still alive. 
All of us should eat and drink and enjoy what we have worked for. It is God’s gift. 
I know that everything God does will last forever. You can’t add anything to it or take anything away from it. And one thing God does is to make us stand in awe of him. 
Whatever happens or can happen has already happened before. God makes the same thing happen again and again.” Ecclesiastes 3:10-15

 

(This verse, oh my gosh, why hasn’t it been talked about way more? Really, Verses 1-15 are magnificent)

Nevertheless, If he brings you to it, he can bring you through it. We just have to choose to praise him the whole way.

 “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

1 Thessalonians 5:18

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